I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
