Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
