are you still at the devil's house?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
