If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
