I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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