Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
