She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
