I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
