FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
