My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
