I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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