I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
