i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
