I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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