I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
