i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
