I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
