No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
