you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
