if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
