I hate all girls vehemently.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
