dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
