If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
