Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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