It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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