Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
