Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
