Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
