so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
