I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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