I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
