I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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