I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
