i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
