I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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