We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
