Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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