You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
