i just wanna soil my oats bro
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
