If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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