: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
