Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
