wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
