is your mom at the bar?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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