I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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