You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
