dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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