your thong is hanging out like whoa
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
