I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
