It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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