I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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