Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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